The Party Animal

9/27/2012

I had the chance to speak with a colleague who recently covered 9 different countries in 15 days, definitely an impressive feat. I couldn't help but ask, "Did you feel like it was a bit much in that time?" He responded with, "well, if it wasn't for my guide I definitely wouldn't have made it". He went on to tell me about his guide and driver. The guys who took them everywhere and the ones would get them back to their hostel after partying till 4am. The ones that woke them up at 6am to go whitewater rafting, or skiing, or whatever else the activity was for that day. The ones who stowed them away in the travel van before they got arrested one night. I was a little jealous. "So you just partied to oblivion and these two kept you alive and moving huh?", I asked. He looked at me, a grin spreading across his face, "Pretty much yeah, that's how it went down." In addition to my thoughts of how brilliant that was, another thought popped into my head, what if my friend never had the magical travel fairy with him? How would things have turned out. Would they have been as glorious?

"I find your lack of faith disturbing..."

Sorry Darth..... I just don't buy it, the "balls to the wall" method is not the way to go (you should know with the whole Sith lord thing). Before you suffocate me through the screen I'll explain.

While my friend did have a wicked time during his 15 days of debauchery and alcohol induced haze that method will not work without the key component, the travel fairy who was with them. And no, he wasn't full of it, there's a real service that does set up these guided itineraries, enter (exhibit A). For all of you party animals out there, your welcome.

For all those party animals who don't plan on having a babysitter, you should get one. I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer, believe me, I'm still in my twenties, I like the crazy times. Let this entry be some things to consider if you decide to "do it all" on your own.

Since you have planned your trip there have been dozens of things running through your head and you can hardly wait. You have scoped out every bar in every citiy, saw the landmarks, and pulled pictures of the beautiful country side. You have your EUR, rupees, pounds ready and you even remembered to bring a jacket, nothing can stop you now!

Upon arrival to the airport everything is going smooth, you board the plane and by god your off. During your 18hr flight you get some sleep and have your caffeine pills in reserve as you have planned for this. Finally you arrive, its off the tarmac and into a taxi/ coach/ etc. You can't get into the hostel to throw your things down fast enough and its off to the bars. Before you know it your 6 shots deep in foreign bliss and you've reached world traveler status. Can anyone say, Badass?

Then you wake up in the morning...... and by morning I mean 1:30pm.

But it looked so much more fun in the movies!? Don't believe everything you see in Hollywood kid.

Turns out some guys from Slovakia, well the hostel manager thinks it was Slovakia checked into your room in the middle of the night. In your haste you had forgotten to take your extra cash, cards, and passport/id and throw em in that little safe by your bunk.

Your friend is still trying to get the vomit off his Eurobag but don't worry...... "it didn't seep through man", so his clothes are good and he even still has his plane tickets. You know, the tickets for the 10:30 flight to Germany. Turns out you never set that pesky alarm because your phone died searching for signal on that 18hr flight. But wait a minute its 1:30pm and you don't even have a passport anymore. Dammit, this is your first country! and you didn't even get to see the Colosseum.

Ok, that may have been a colorful example of situations I have and have not ever been in. In any case, here are a few tips to keep yourself from self destructing to early.

Fishing Line & 550 Chord

I may be paranoid, but I've always done this. You can either tie fishing chord from your pack to your wrist or tie 550 chord from your pack to your bed frame (in public living spaces). Either way if Vladimir decides to roll out with your shit you will be awakened. In hostels you have people show up and disappear just as fast as they came. When we came in from a night out in Germany there was 2 Israelis in our room. By the time we woke up they were gone. Its important to have some measure in place to keep tabs on your stuff since most hostels only provide a safe small enough to fit you wallet and some documents in.

Playing with stray animals

This would seem to be a self explanatory statement but some people have had problems following this safety bulletin. If you see a cat that's giving you the crazy eye, don't try and attack it for staring you down. I'm sorry but sometimes when you get drunk you might have the urge to do stupid things like chase animals. But sometimes they have something called (rabies). Then they chase you back, not cool. Then you have to go to the hospital, drunk and bleeding. And you know everyone at the hospital is going to be a Debbie Downer.

Wallet + Back Pocket = NOGO

The all time classic safety tip, still you see a ton of people with bulging wallets sitting in their back pockets. I ditched my wallet when traveling a few years ago. Now I just take what cash I need along with my key and keep em in my front pockets. I'll know if someone is reaching for my junk.especially if its some dude which I will proceed to stop his face in. Naturally people tend to keep their hands in they're front pockets allowing you to verify your stuff is still there without even thinking about it.

PDA You Could be Jailed

Sweet tranny huh, lol. I don't try and get it on in public but some people are into that, especially when their drunk. In the UAE you will be literally thrown in jail if you get caught sticking your tongue down someone's throat, (even if its your wife). Just looking at Arab women in traditional clothing can put you in a bad situation. I spent a year there and they do not take disregard for public customs lightly. If you are anywhere in the Middleast this should be obvious if you have half a brain. In other countries it is still important to understand social customs and courtesy. You don't want to get your ass beat or kicked out of that sweet club you where in with the $30 cover.

Know Basic Laws

Now, I do give this guy credit, who doesn't want to make a Natie Light necklace, I mean that's just saying "Proud Alcoholic Right Here!" But when your in a foreign country remember; You may think your just gunna go to the drunk tank for a night and get released with some bullshit fine like the good old USA. You may find however that the police beat the shit out of you, steal all your money, and then still lock you up anyway. Now that is definitely a party foul, but there's no referees out there, so best keep under the radar.

Locate Your Nearest Grocery

Before a night of craziness, especially overseas, get your bearings and scope out your recovery stations. The first of these is the nearest grocery/pharmacy to your lodging. When you need some over the counter goodness in the morning you'll know where to go in your drunken stupor. Also nail down a good breakfast place to get to in the morning. Remember, there's no stopping you now, the party aint over until you crack your head on the on ramp for the return flight.

Copies, Keys, and Coin

Everyone knows you should make copies of your passport, ids, visa, and keep your keys, cash, and credit cards secure. How many people actually remember to do it, no many. Another thing, don't put all your stuff in one place. Make more than one copy and spread them out in your packs and your day bag. Never keep all your cash or cards in one place either. If you get jacked you just put yourself "all in". Its easier to give up some stuff if you feel like you will still make it. Remember your safety is paramount considering if you still have all your stuff + gunshot wounds you didn't win.

Wear at Least 2 Shirts

Bet you haven't heard about this little rule. As you can see this guy hasn't either. It is what I like to call the "James Bond of Alcoholism" but very elementary in nature. Layer your clothes. You may get a drink spilled all over you, you may spill a drink all over yourself, or you may just puke everywhere. In all of these cases, get to a bathroom (more than likely you will already be there) and take that sucker off to reveal your (round two) style! Sure, you will have to throw your other shirt in the garbage but that's just a casualty of war at this point. Plus I'm sure you have a lot of other things to worry about (police, ill advised hookups, and getting jumped).

Parting Thoughts

Follow these steps and you will be bound to succeed, or at a very minimum get a little farther before you end up on a collision course to ultimate catastrophe. I'm proud to still consider myself young and relatively "stupid" in the sense of (having fun with little or no regard for the long term consequences of my actions). Responsible is good, but eventually it means, getting closer to death or subconsciously preparing your coffin. Older people have already locked themselves into the chains of society with houses, kids, and a ton of bills and they realize that. I will be too, but I aint there yet so enjoy it while you can. Just take these precautions, keep yourself in one piece, and look as good as this guy.

Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth. "Your wearing tuxedos to a job interview that requires you to clean bathrooms, get out of my office!".......Do we get any kind of souvenir?